


So, Apparently, I Find Fairies Hot

by Meikakuna



Category: Original Work
Genre: Australia, Biphobia, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Drama, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Heavy Metal, High School, Homophobia, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Opposites Attract, References to Shakespeare, Romance, Slurs, Swearing, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21545182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meikakuna/pseuds/Meikakuna
Summary: You know those movies and TV shows in which an effeminate gay character has a crush on the popular jock? Strike that, reverse it.Daniel is technically popular at school but fades into the crowd. After an injury at footy (Australian football) practice, he is forced to focus on improving his grades, starting with English. Luckily, the new kid in school knows a lot about Shakespeare and is willing to tutor him. Now if only this new guy wasn't so attractive.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 17





	1. Is it gay to stare at a dude?

Daniel rushed outside, finally free from his plaster prison. He tilted his head up to the sun and closed his eyes, basking in the glory of… something. He just needed to bask in something. Anything was better than white walls, constant beeps and the smell of shit food with a top note of piss.

‘Don’t run too much. You’ve got to keep your leg safe for the next two weeks just in case.’

Daniel turned around and glared at his mother, who dropped his backpack, crossed her arms and glared back. ‘And that means you’re not playing footy for another two weeks.’

‘But mum-’

‘Where did you learn the word ‘but’? Certainly not from me. You can focus on your schoolwork.’

She leaned down and picked up the backpack, taking out a book and shoving it into his chest. He fumbled the book until he was able to catch it.

‘Read it on our way home. You’re falling behind in English.’

Daniel turned the book over and groaned. ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. Why did he have to keep reading these stupid plays from a billion years ago? It wasn’t like he was going to join the theatre. He didn’t see any point in an aspiring footballer reciting Shakespeare. It was like forcing an aspiring actor to learn trig.

He followed his mother in the car and did as he was told, but frowned the whole way home. He only got past the first page before he reached home. Couldn’t someone translate this damn thing?

He asked his mother this. Her sharp features became as hard as stone like her eyes could petrify her own face. ‘Get your teacher or a classmate to help you. You could invite someone to study with you after school since you can’t go to practice.’

Daniel’s knuckles turned white as he nodded, still sitting in the car. His mother swung the door open, her hand on her hip.

She chuckled. ‘Has your leg stopped working?’

Daniel growled with his mouth closed.

By the time he reached homeroom the next day, his hands were sore from high fives. He slumped into a seat and circled a dent in the desk with his finger.

‘So, how’s your leg?’ Mrs Meek asked with a grin and a slap on his back ill-fitting of her name. Daniel gave her a thumbs-up and a small smile. 

A tall boy with messy hair slid into the seat next to Daniel. ‘You okay?’ he asked.

Mrs Meek’s smile grew bigger. ‘You actually decided to show up, James B!’

James nodded and leaned back in his chair. Mrs Meek walked up to him and shoved the chair forward.

‘Nice try.’

Daniel rolled his eyes and looked around the room. Something was different. His eyes moved from student to student until he discovered the outlier, who sat at the front of the room.

A pale boy with long black hair in a high ponytail twirled by a curling wand was looking at himself in a compact mirror and puckering his lips, which were the colour of pink lady apples. Daniel wasn’t completely sure, but the boy seemed to be wearing mascara. His lashes were certainly long. Not that Daniel cared. His boredom as Mrs Meek called the roll was simply forcing him to stare at the boy. 

‘How about you introduce yourself?’ Mrs Meek asked.

The boy tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and stood up, turning towards the students. He spoke with a voice like a kitten’s meow. If that kitten had something up its nose.

‘Hi, everyone! I’m Eddie Ironpoe and I’m a Sagittarius!’

Silence. 

Then a few hesitant claps, with some added snickering.

‘Is that your real name, Mr Ironpoe?’ Mrs Meek asked with a smirk. 

Eddie laughed and sat down.

Daniel kept staring at this boy as he gussied up in front of his compact mirror. The bell informing the school that first period was about to start jolted him out of… something. Not a trance, no way, but something akin to it. 

First period was English. James patted his shoulder and cocked his head to the side, his way of saying ‘Let’s skip.’ Daniel followed him for a while until he saw Eddie walk towards the English classroom.

‘Actually, I want to see if that guy says something ridiculous again.’

James nudged him. ‘Ooh, got a man crush?’

Daniel pushed his arm away. ‘As if!’

When he entered the classroom, he saw that Eddie was sitting at the front of the classroom again, except this time he didn’t have his compact mirror in his hand. Daniel was going to sit in the back of the room like he usually did in English class, but he had one question nagging at him. That and he needed to do better in English.

No way was he going to sit right next to Eddie, but he did sit two seats away. ‘Hey, uh, have you heard of a smartphone? You can put it in selfie mode and use it as a mirror.’ Daniel waved his hands around. ‘Not that I do that! I just see girls do it all the time.’

Eddie smiled at him with toothpaste-ad-white teeth. ‘Well, I don’t think we’re allowed to have our phones in the classroom. And besides, mirrors are way better at capturing how I look. Phone cameras are kinda shit.’

A tall figure lumbered towards the front of the room. Daniel’s shoulders rose and his hands rushed to the safety of his pockets.

The figure scratched his bald head before facing the students. ‘Good morning, everyone.’ His already narrow eyes narrowed further as he spoke louder. ‘Good morning, everyone!’

‘Good morning, Dr Daylings!’ The students cried.

‘Better. Open Act 2 Scene 1. Who wants to play… on second thought, I’ll have Daniel play Robin. Who wants to play the fairy?’

Eddie shot his arm up. Dr Daylings nodded. ‘You must be Ed Smith.’ Eddie pouted. Daniel noticed how shiny his lips were. Dr Daylings crossed his arms. ‘You will have to wipe that makeup off.’

Eddie smiled again, his eyes glimmering. ‘Actually, I read the uniform guide and there’s nothing in there about boys wearing makeup.’

‘The lipstick is too bright.’

‘I haven’t got any lipstick on. Only clear lip gloss. My lips are naturally this colour. And I go by ‘Eddie Ironpoe’, by the way.’

Dr Daylings glowered at Eddie, who kept his smile and a straight, studious back. The teacher held his head in defeat. ‘Very well.’ The class laughed. Dr Daylings took a book from his desk and slammed it down, silencing the class.

Daniel tripped over his words as he read his part aloud. He had no clue what he was talking about. He had to reread words and ignore the sympathising stares.

Eddie spoke with the confidence of a Shakespearean-trained actor. He put emotion into every line, the words flowing out of his mouth like he was having a casual conversation. Despite having no clue as to what he was talking about, Daniel couldn’t help but watch. He became so engrossed in his performance that he forgot when it was his turn to speak again, earning chuckles from the class and a scowl from Dr Daylings.

At lunch, Daniel, James and a few other people Daniel sort of knew sat on the big couch in the student hub room, eating different snacks.

When Eddie entered the hub, a few people from English class flocked to him, asking him questions ranging from which school he went to before to what curling wand he used.

Daniel looked away, but his ears perked up when he heard a question he had rolling around his mind.

‘Um, no offence, but are you…. gay?’

Eddie bit his lip. ‘Uh, none taken? Yeah, I’m gay.’

A girl jumped at the chance to play matchmaker. ‘So which guy here would you date?’

Daniel’s shoulders rose. He coughed after choking on a piece of apple. James patted his back and asked if he was okay. Daniel could only nod.

Eddie looked around the room. ‘Well, judging by appearances, no one.’

Silence.

‘Wow, rude,’ one of the boys said with a smirk on his face.

‘Well, I don’t know anyone’s personality. I could get to know someone. Who here’s gay?’

A girl answered, ‘No one.’

Eddie wagged his finger. ‘There’s bound to be someone, statistically speaking. They just need a key to open their closet. Though, to be honest with you, I’m not interested in being someone’s closet key.’

Daniel looked away and bit his tongue, ripping pieces of his muffin off.

The school bell rang at the end of the day and Daniel stretched his fingers, relaxing into his chair for a moment before standing up. He waved goodbye to James and headed to his locker, noticing that Eddie was standing by the locker on the other side of the hall. He tried to say something to him but it was quickly drowned out by the hordes of students rushing to the locker from further away classrooms.

After ten minutes passed and the students had dissipated, Daniel walked up to Eddie, who was sticking postcard-sized posters on the inside of his locker door. Daniel didn’t pay attention to what the posters contained because Eddie was pouting when deciding where to place each poster, the redness of his lips all the more visible.

‘Uh, hey,’ Daniel said, looking at the ground. Eddie whirled around and held two posters up. Both posters were of…. Daniel guessed they were drag queens judging by the exaggerated makeup, both in gothic outfits.

‘Which one’s better? I only have room for one more inspo photo.’

‘The one with the Scissorhands thing going on is cool, I guess? Um, so, where did you learn to read Shakespeare like that?’

Eddie stuck the photo in the last space. ‘Oh, were you in my English class?’ Cold sweat ran down Daniel’s spine. He felt like an aspiring footy player who was just told he didn’t make the team. Eddie didn’t notice this. ‘Well, I just love reading Shakespeare so much. I don’t want to be an actor, but I love watching it too. Musicals are alright but I feel they can’t compare to Shakespeare’s words and rhythm. It’s pretty easy to read his work as his rhythm mirrors the human heart and the number of syllables makes each line sound like a real conversation.’

Daniel put his hands in his pockets. ‘It’s not easy for me. Old English is tough.’

Eddie wagged his finger. ‘It’s not Old English, it’s Modern English. Old English is before the Middle Ages, and Shakespeare’s works came out after the Middle Ages.’ Daniel scratched the back of his head. ‘Oh, sorry for the lecture. Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?’

‘Could you teach me? You know, about Shakespeare stuff. I’m not doing so well in English.’

Eddie released an awkward chuckle. ‘I don’t know if I’m going to be any better than an actual teacher, but I guess I could help you out.’

‘Are you busy this afternoon? I can’t go to footy practice, so I’ve got nothing to do except homework.’

Eddie put his backpack on one shoulder and shut the locker. ‘Sorry. I’ve got something on tonight. But every other night I’m available. Do you want my number so we can make plans?’

After exchanging names and numbers, the two waved goodbye. Daniel’s mother picked him up from school. Neither mother nor son said anything as they travelled home.

Once he was in his room, Daniel lied down on his bed and stared at Eddie’s number on his phone. Should he call him to plan the group study? He just saw him. Maybe he should text him. But would that be too cold?

Daniel rolled onto his side as he pondered this decision. He eventually gave up and dropped the phone next to him, pulling his doona over himself before falling asleep.

‘Shit!’ Daniel spat a few hours later.

The bed was wet, and not from urine.

Daniel couldn’t remember what the dream was about, though he vaguely remembered the images of both Eddie and a friend who moved schools the previous year. He wasn’t sure what they were doing in the dream, only that he needed a cold shower stat.

The room was dark. He looked at the clock. It was already 7.

When showering and trying to ignore the pain coldness brought, he remembered his old friend. Logan was a short, stout boy who obsessed over both footy statistics and hot women. When they talked about statistics, he and Daniel got along just fine. When Logan got a girlfriend in his final year at the school before moving, Daniel started hanging out with him less. Something about Logan’s girlfriend, though he wasn’t sure what, pissed him off, and Logan always brought her along when they hung out.

Daniel rushed back to his room with a towel around his waist. He hated being naked and had to clean his pants before his mother saw. He picked up his phone and, his hands shaking, messaged Eddie.

_Wanna meet tomorrow?_

He gave him his address.

He waited. And waited. He washed his pants and sheets and dried them, then waited.

Was Eddie still doing whatever he said he was going to do that night? What if he was never going to reply? What if he was only trying to be nice when he agreed to tutor him and had no interest in actually doing it? Would he have to pay him? How much?

He thought about what Eddie said to that girl about closet keys. He shook his head. It wasn’t like he was gay anyway, so it didn’t matter what Eddie thought about him… right? 

He took his books out of his bags and got lost in triangles and revolutions. He was broken out of his focus by a ringtone, which was of ‘Now You’re a Man’ by DVDA. He picked up his phone and smiled, some unknown yet familiar force lifting his body up. He hadn’t felt this sensation since he started going out with a girl in his class earlier that year. 

_Sure :) How does 4:30 sound?_

Should he reply back straight away or keep it cool? He remembered something his now-ex girlfriend said to him.

_‘Talking to you’s like talking to a ghost. Are you even here?’_

He went through a long, agonising word-choosing process.

_Sounds good._

Daniel flopped onto his bed, letting his phone rest on his chest as he tried to slow down his breathing.


	2. Is it gay to read a play?

Daniel sniffled, rubbing his nose. As he walked home he scowled at every flower he passed. He was walking alone, looking at his phone several times a minute in case Eddie cancelled. 

He gasped a little when he felt a weight on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a grinning Eddie with his hand on his shoulder, moving forward from the momentum of running.

‘I may as well walk with you,’ he explained with heaving breaths. ‘That way I can get to your place straight away and we can study a bit earlier.’ He took a closer look at Daniel. ‘Why do you look so grumpy?’

Daniel sighed. ‘Spring. Fucking hay fever.’

‘That’s a shame. I love Spring. It’s like all the plants are rising from the dead. That and Halloween’s in Spring.’ Daniel chuckled. ‘What?’

‘Rising from the dead? The only thing that’s rising is my impatience for all this pollen.’ A sneeze.

Eddie turned to his side but continued walking the same direction. ‘Are you taking any medicine for it?’

Daniel shook his head. ‘I’ll be fine. I’m just being whiny.’

‘You really should take care of yourself. If you don’t, you’ll end up in the doctor’s office or worse, you’ll be miserable all season.’ Eddie leaned in even closer, not noticing how Daniel’s body tensed up. ‘So, what do you do besides footy… and sucking at Shakespeare?’ Daniel glared at Eddie. ‘What? Okay, to be fair I’ve always sucked at sports. Or does surviving a mosh pit without being squished or trampled to death count as a sport?’

‘I, uh… don’t do much outside of that and watching TV. I need more hobbies. Speaking of which, what did you have on last night?’

‘Corpse Windmill was on and it was their last performance before they head back to the Netherlands. They’re this really obscure comedic technical death metal band. They debuted in 2004 as a reaction to postmodern notions of-’

‘I think I get the point.’ Eddie pouted and Daniel’s heart twisted. ‘Uh, well, actually, instead of telling me about the band you can tell me about that technical metal stuff.’

Daniel halted as if a record had just been scratched. ‘You listen to metal?’

Eddie pointed at his face and laughed. ‘Why are you so surprised? It’s obvious by the name I gave myself. Eddie’s the mascot for Iron Maiden, and Ironpoe’s a combo of Iron Maiden and Edgar Allen Poe, who’s the best gothic writer; you  _ cannot _ change my mind.’

Daniel frowned at his hands. Into his pockets they went. ‘I don’t know much about metal.’

‘What do you listen to?’

‘Pop and Rap mostly.’

‘Well, there is rap metal but it doesn’t have the best reputation. I’ll try and find a really good artist and show it to you.’

‘Thanks. I just thought you’d listen to, I dunno, songs you’d play in a gay bar.’

‘What songs do they play at a gay bar? I’ve never been to one.’

Daniel looked at the ground. He sneezed. ‘Oh. I haven’t either,  _ obviously _ , but I imagine they’d be the songs that go ‘doof doof doof doof’ or ‘ins ins ins ins’. I dunno.’

Eddie laughed so hard that tears began seeping out if his eyes. ‘Say that again.’

Daniel bit his tongue.

Eddie scoffed. ‘You’re no fun.’

‘Sorry.’

The two took the rest of the trip in silence.

Eddie took a good look at Daniels home, which was a two-story grey concrete monstrosity with big glass windows and a sizeable garage. The garden was covered with ferns, a palm tree casting a shadow over the sand-coloured cobbled driveway.

When they stepped through the front door, the duo saw Daniel’s mother standing by the kitchen counter, a phone up to her ear and a scowl on her face.

‘Why hasn’t he fired her yet? Honestly, if I have to work with her one more time…’ Eddie waved at her. Daniel’s mother failed to notice him. 

Daniel grabbed Eddie by the arm and dragged him to his room before he could do something to grab her attention. 

Eddie struggled not to turn up his nose when he saw how messy Daniel’s room was. Underneath the unmade bed was a pile of dirty dishes that had been shoved there. Posters of half-naked women were placed across the walls without a thought to making their heights match. However, one part was as clean as Mother Theresa’s criminal record. The desk seemed to have never been touched.

The two boys pulled their copy of  ‘ A Midsummer Night’s Dream ’ out of their bags and sat on the bed. 

‘Okay, first I need to properly assess the damage,’ Eddie said. ‘Could you read the bit we read yesterday again? Actually, read it from here.’ He pointed to the start of the first miniature monologue by Robin.

Daniel took a deep breath. ‘The… king… doth…keep…his-’

‘You can stop now.’

‘I didn’t even finish the first senten-’

‘I’ve heard what I need. I think you’re reading it word by word, even though in real life the words in a sentence should flow together. Try reading the whole sentence before speaking.’

‘What if I get a word wrong?’

‘You keep going. In the theatre, you can’t just stop or slow down if you don’t know what to do. You’ve got to improvise. With Shakespeare, it’s tougher since everybody already knows the lines but the show must go on.’

Daniel did as he was told and smiled when he finished a monologue. When he saw that Eddie’s expression didn’t match his, he frowned.

‘You don’t need to put on a posh voice. Shakespeare’s plays were performed in front of commoners, so everyday people were able to enjoy it.’

Daniel gulped before repeating the monologue. ‘Now what the hell did I just say?’ he asked.

‘Okay, so you’re a fairy jester talking to another fairy. According to you, the king of the fairies is having a party and he’s mad at his wife because she kidnapped a child and now pays lots of attention to the child, making the king jealous. Now read it again with that in mind.’

Daniel nodded. After he finished the monologue, Eddie clapped. Daniel grinned. ‘Now let’s talk about themes,’ Eddie declared.

He taught Daniel the same things Dr Daylings said but rephrased them to be more relatable. Daniel nodded in understanding the whole time.

Eddie looked at the time on his phone. ‘Oh my god, sorry for lecturing you for so long. Let’s take a break and just hang out or something.’ Daniel lied down on his back and sighed in relief. ‘Was I that annoying?’

‘No, you were really good. Where did you learn so much about Shakespeare?’

‘I’ve watched his plays live a lot.’

‘Makes sense. So, um, I have a question. Don’t take this the wrong way.’

‘Well, now I’m worried. What is it?’

Daniel bit his tongue for a moment before continuing. ‘Why do you act so… stereotypical? Like, you almost look like a chick. I mean, you’re clearly not because chicks are hot and… I mean, not that you’re not hot, but… I didn’t mean that that way!’

Eddie spat with laughter. ‘Jesus, you’re blushing!’ He breathed slowly to calm his laughter. ‘I’m just being myself.’

‘But how can you be so open to people you’ve just met?’

Eddie was silent for a few moments as he pondered the question. ‘Well, some gay people can’t really hide it. It’s too obvious. So why should I bother? I know some gay guys just act like regular guys, but I’m just not that. I was always kind of girly. When I officially came out to my parents, they had this bored look on their faces. It kind of pissed me off, not gonna lie. I mean, thanks, Mum and Dad! What, was all this fear for nothing?’

‘When did you know you were gay?’

Eddie chuckled. ‘Oh god. I think it was the cashier at the café my parents took me to every week that made me realise it. He was so cute. Of course, nothing was going to happen between us because he was around fifteen and I was seven, plus I’m pretty sure he was straight.’

Daniel put his hands in his pockets, still lying down. ‘Do… all gay guys know they’re gay that early?’

Eddie shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t…’ He frowned for a second before smiling again. ‘I don’t know any other gay guys outside of the ones I see on Drag Race. Oh, I did meet a bi guy once at an Iron Maiden concert. He didn’t look super stereotypical, but when we were waiting for the show to start I saw he had a pink, purple and blue pride bracelet.’

‘Bi?’

‘You know, bisexual. Bisexuals are… wait, you probably already know that. Phew, I guess I  _ can _ stop a lecture before it starts.’

Daniel was silent as the image of his old friend spiralled into his mind like a tornado before spinning away, leaving a destroyed mood in its wake.

‘Let’s get back to studying,’ he grumbled.

The next day had English class. After asking the class who wanted to read a part, Dr Dayling’s eyebrows jumped up when he saw Daniel’s hand up.

Daniel read a monologue, constantly looking at Eddie for approval. Eddie gave him the thumbs up and a smile.

Dr Dayling nodded. ‘Well done, Daniel. I have no idea what fairy used their magic on you, but you should thank them.’

During lunch, Daniel invited Eddie to sit on the couch with Daniel’s other friends. James glared at Daniel, but he didn’t notice.

‘Shit, we’ve got PE after lunch, don’t we?’ Eddie asked. James nodded. ‘How do I get fitter?’

Daniel smiled. ‘Well, my gym has a free trial for new members.’

James snickered. ‘What, so he can stare at all the guys in the shower?’

Daniel wanted to respond to that, but he kept his mouth shut. Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Seriously? Jock guys aren’t my thing anyway.’

A quick, sharp pain pricked Daniel’s heart.

Just as quick was a girl’s response. ‘You watch too many American movies. We don’t have ‘jocks’ here.’

Eddie ignored her and continued ranting about homophobia, making everyone near him groan except for Daniel, who could no longer pay attention to anything Eddie said.


	3. Is it gay to work out with other guys?

Daniel stood in front of the gym, looking at the time on his iPod. He coincidentally turned up the volume of the rap song at the very moment a rapper said, ‘No homo.’ He changed the song even though it was one of his favourites.

He grinned when he saw Eddie jog up to him in a black T-shirt with the word ‘Ghost’ on it and a pair of dark grey track pants. While jogging he was taking a CD out of his purple duffle bag.

He handed it to Daniel. It said ‘Rage Against the Machine’. 

Daniel nodded in understanding. ‘I didn’t know these guys did rap. I assumed they were a punk band or something like that.’

Eddie gasped in a loud voice and put a hand on his heart. ‘Assumed? How dare you!’

Daniel raised an eyebrow. ‘Was that sarcasm?’

Eddie chuckled. ‘Oh my god, you’re like a kid.’ Daniel frowned. ‘Oh, sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean to insult you or anything.’

Eddie gulped, his eyes blooming outwards like a pansy in the spring. Daniel was laughing. Holy hell he was laughing. His voice was as deep as one would expect from him but somehow it didn’t sound harsh or threatening. It was kind of quiet and melodic.

A smile leapt onto Eddie’s face. He watched Daniel laugh with the curiosity of a visitor looking at a zoo animal. Daniel eventually noticed this and felt his cheeks heat up.

He coughed. ‘Let’s go in. Have you been to a gym before?’ Eddie shook his head. He and Daniel walked inside and headed to the desk. Eddie turned his head and saw several rows of treadmills to his right. ‘Okay, so make sure to negotiate. Don’t just take the first offer. Young people can’t afford the full price. Oh, and you have to get them to give you one free session with a personal trainer. That way you can properly learn how to use the equipment. I can teach you a little, but there are some machines I don’t use.’

Eddie nodded, reigning in his temptation to point out how long Daniel just spoke for. At the desk, Daniel told the receptionist that he had invited a friend and therefore he was entitled to two weeks free for his membership plus a water bottle. He held his thumb up at Eddie, who was whisked away to a table in the corner of the gym.

When Eddie returned to the desk, Daniel asked him how it went. ‘14.95 per week plus one session with a personal trainer next week.’

Daniel grabbed his arms and pulled him closer as if he was about to give him a hug, but he stopped and stepped backwards. Eddie froze, surprised, before rolling his eyes.

It took Eddie five minutes of using the cross trainer before he was slumped over the damn thing, panting and whining. However, he kept going when he heard Daniel lightheartedly laugh at him. That damn melodic laugh played in his mind over and over again like a theme song in a sports montage.

Eventually, he was able to work on running on various equipment for half an hour. Whenever he felt like giving up again, he looked at Daniel next to him and watched him smile as he ran faster and faster. Something told him Daniel would quickly choose runner’s high over sex. The slight growth down below added to this hypothesis.

Little did he know that Daniel kept sneaking glimpses of Eddie’s slender arms and legs as he worked out.

After the thirty minutes were over, Daniel told Eddie, ‘I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the other weights room.’

Eddie smirked but said nothing, preferring to go the dignified route and chug the water from his bottle. 

In the toilet stall, Daniel held his head in his hands. 

_What’s wrong with me?_ _He’s a fucking fairy. What, do I find fairies hot now? I’m not even gay, and if I was, why the hell wouldn’t I be into manly dudes?_

He lifted his head and saw an advertisement for Viagra posted on the stall’s door. He sighed, not sure whether to laugh or punch something. Then again, he found the image of older men trying to treat their erectile dysfunction quite useful for curing his current temporary ailment.

He rushed to the weights room, where he saw Eddie using the small hand weights. ‘Move over, strongest man in the world!’ Eddie declared with a grin. ‘I bet he can’t use two three-kilogram weights at once!’

‘Who’s the child now?’

‘Point taken. So, am I ready for those long weight thingamajiggies or am I just supposed to use the dumbbells?’

Daniel walked up to a machine and sat on it, grabbing the handles on each side and pushing them forward and back a few times. He jumped up and made the gesture an old-fashioned gentleman would use when welcoming a woman to his house.

Eddie tried to push the handles forward, grunting like an old man trying to get out of bed. Daniel chuckled and changed the settings to make the machine lighter. Eddie blushed.

After another half hour of using various weight machines, Eddie begged Daniel to stop, and Daniel finally granted him mercy. Daniel stood with his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, his eyes avoiding the droplets of sweat that fell down Eddie’s arms.

‘So, um, would you like to, maybe, I dunno, do some more studying at my place?’ he asked. ‘We’ve got that essay next week.’

Eddie grinned like someone who knew he would get that question. ‘I will on one condition. I get to use your shower.’ Daniel’s jaw crashed onto the floor. ‘Ew, not like that. I’ve got an outfit I just bought in this bag and I need to get the sweat off my body or else I’m gonna be super uncomfortable wearing it. Plus, I hate public showers.’ Daniel bit his lip. ‘Please? It’s my birthday next week.’

’You want to use my shower for your birthday?’

‘It can be part of the present. You can also, I dunno, get me a keychain or something.’ Eddie bared his teeth and batted his eyelashes, which were still long despite the lack of mascara. Daniel sighed and led him to the bus stop.

They sat down and waited in silence when other people sat near them. Eddie considered talking but saw that Daniel was looking down at his fists on his lap.

When they boarded the bus, Eddie couldn’t keep his mouth shut. ‘How did you make friends when you don’t even like talking near people? Hell, what made you able to talk to me in the first place?’

Those words gave Daniel’s heart an uppercut. ‘You seemed easier to talk to, and I was desperate to get better in English,’ he muttered. ‘That’s all.’

The ride was silent.

As they reached the stop near Daniel’s house, Eddie sighed. ‘Sorry for being so rude.’

‘Don’t worry about it. Oh, by the way, we have to sneak inside.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Mum doesn’t want me going to the gym until she’s sure my leg has healed. I think it’s fine, but she wants me to wait another week or so. Oh, and… sorry for not telling you last time, but it’d be best not to… act gay around this neighbourhood. Especially the family next door with the big fence. They’re cashed up bogans and they have a guard dog.’ Eddie opened his mouth. ‘And no ranting about what I just said. Just… stay safe, okay?’

Eddie groaned but nodded. They took a windy path to Daniel’s home. Each home got progressively larger, more modern and more expensive. As they passed the home next door, the low, thunderous bark of a dog made Eddie jump.

Daniel walked to the side of the house, reached behind the gate to open it and crept inside, Eddie following him from behind. Daniel slid the back door open and tiptoed into the house. He felt his heart stop then beat at the speed of an Olympic runner’s treadmill when he heard his mother’s voice. He and Eddie snuck to the staircase one slow footstep at a time.

They ran up the stairs, laughing. Daniel opened his drawer and pulled out a shirt. ‘Get changed in the bathroom,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna get changed in here. Knock on my door when you’re done.’

‘Wait, you’re not having a shower after doing all that exercise? Are you some kind of wild animal?’

‘I’ve got deodorant.’

‘Not good enough.’

‘Leave me alone, Mum.’

Eddie scowled at him but did as he was told.

Daniel waited ten minutes after changing into jeans and a plain T-shirt but didn’t hear a knock. He opened the door and knocked on the bathroom door.

’You still in there?’

‘Almost done! This eyeliner’s killing me.’

‘You’re putting makeup on? What’d I tell you about acting gay in this neighbourhood?’

‘Wearing makeup doesn’t make me gay!’

‘But you are gay!’

‘Correlation, not causation, sweetie!’

‘I just don’t want you to get hurt! And… don’t call me ‘sweetie’!’

Eddie released a miraculously high growl and opened the door. ‘I’m done. Happy now?’ Daniel gasped through his nose. Eddie was wearing a tight navy top that went off the shoulder and had a picture of Bela Lugosi as Dracula printed on it. His skinny jeans were black and ripped. Around his neck was a plain black choker that made his neck look more muscular than it actually was. His still-wet hair fell down his shoulders. His makeup was heavy, dominated by dark colours that made him look mature. Daniel gawked at him.

Eddie smirked. ‘Very happy, apparently.’

Daniel’s cheeks burned. ‘Shut up. I’m not like you.’

‘Sure, sure.’

The two sat down and studied. Eddie had to tap Daniel’s head over and over again to get him to concentrate.

‘My arms aren’t going to tell you the themes of A Midsummer Night’s Dream,’ he said, causing Daniel’s cheeks to get even redder.


	4. Is it gay to defend a gay guy?

Daniel did something as he entered homeroom that caused everyone to stare in disbelief- he had a big smile on his face. Pearly whites and everything. As he sat and looked across the room, his smile lowered a tad. Eddie wasn’t there.

Daniel waited and waited, not noticing how his back was straight like that of an obedient student. Or a dog.

Mrs Meek’s words drove a silver stake into Daniel’s heart. ‘Eddie’s sick,’ she said as she glanced at the roll before moving on to the next student like it was nothing.

The pearly whites hid under Daniel’s pursed lips. James stared at him. ‘You okay? You’re acting weird.’

Daniel’s shoulders jolted up. ‘Y-yeah! I’m fine! Totally fine.’

James rolled his eyes. ‘Faggot,’ he said with a smile. His eyebrows shot up when he saw Daniel’s hand shaking. 

When recess rolled around, James took Daniel aside and spoke to him outside. ‘Okay, dude, usually I don’t give a fuck about whatever you’re doing. Your business is your business. But… why are you being so weird? I mean, I still don’t get why you invited Eddie to hang out with us. He’s not a good fit for us. No offence to him, of course. So, are you two… you know… doing it?’

Daniel’s eyes burst outwards like someone had put explosives in them. ‘No! What the hell!? You know I’m not gay. He’s just helping me with English.’

‘Really? Cause you kind of act like his bitch.’

‘No, I don’t! Don’t be stupid.’

James shrugged his shoulders. ‘Then you should be fine if you stop inviting him to hang out with us. It’s honestly kind of awkward hanging out with him. I’ve got nothing against gays but does he need to shove his gayness down our throats?’

‘He’s just being himself,’ Daniel mumbled.

‘See what I mean? You’re totally his bitch. And what’s up with that fake name? I don’t see why a guy with such an edgelord name has you wrapped around his finger.’ Daniel’s knuckles tightened enough to hurt. ‘He’s not even that good looking or anything. Hell, I bet other gay guys don’t want him. Maybe that’s why he’s trying to turn a straight guy like you-’

Daniel’s fist put a crater in James’ cheek. Hot pain seared through his knuckles faster than adrenaline could suppress it.

James immediately pushed Daniel’s shoulders back with all his might. Daniel reached around James’ torso and threw him to the ground.

Students gathered and cheered but some yelled at them to stop. James held Daniel down and punched him, his knees digging into his legs. Everyone heard a crack.

Daniel screamed. ‘My leg! You broke my fucking leg!’

‘Oh, come on, you wuss!’

‘I’m serious! I’m gonna have to go back to the hospital because of you!’

The crowd glared at James, silent as a graveyard. James looked around him, sweat dripping down his neck. 

‘W-well, maybe it wouldn’t have broken again if you weren’t so obsessed with that faggot.’

The students glared harder. ‘What the fuck, James?’ one girl asked. Another girl grabbed Daniel by the shoulders and hauled him up, a few others joining in to help.

Daniel’s eyes and face were so tear-struck that the water blocked his ears and he couldn’t answer his helpers’ questions.

He was taken to the sickbay, where he once again couldn’t answer any questions. All he could do was cry. The nurse tried to tend to his leg in the hopes that he would eventually feel less pain and therefore stop crying. What she didn’t realise was that Daniel wasn’t crying because of that.

That night, Daniel’s tongue searched for a taste as he chewed on the gravy-covered steak. When he found none, he sighed and pushed his dinner aside, grabbing the tiny cup of fruit in jelly.

James hadn’t shown up. Then again, neither had Eddie.

This thought made Daniel rip off the lid much harder than expected, causing some of the juice from the fruit to spurt out.

‘Shit,’ he hissed.

‘Honestly, Daniel, that’s what you get for skipping right to the dessert,’ A mature woman’s voice said. Daniel looked up at his mother and scowled at her. ‘I was kept up at work,’ she explained. ‘You should be used to that by now.’ Daniel placed the jelly cup back down, trying with all his might not to slam it down. ‘Has anyone visited you?’ Daniel shook his head, looking down at his food without eating it. His knuckles turned from bruise purple to icy white.

His mother slowly inhaled and exhaled with the loudness of a smoker’s breat hs . ‘Nobody at the school explained what happened. They just said you got in a fight. Why?’ Daniel was silent. ‘Explain to me everything or else you won’t be going to footy training again. Seriously, you only just got out of the hospital and what did I tell you? It sure as hell wasn’t ‘hurt your leg again so your dear old mummy has to pay the medical bills and twiddle her thumbs until the rebate comes’.’

Daniel growled with his mouth closed. ‘James called my new friend ugly.’

‘You must be joking. James insults people all the time. He insults you in front of me.’

‘But… he insulted Eddie.’

‘Who?’

‘The guy who’s been tutoring me. You met him, remember?’ He sighed at his mother’s confused face. ‘Eddie didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t there to defend himself. He… he… he’s so…’ The flood in his eyes raged destruction on his cheeks and nose, where snot began to drip. ‘He’s so nice… and he accepts how different we are and… he’s so happy and… and…’

His mother stared at him with one eyebrow and one side of her lips up. Daniel continued, and would likely continue whether she was there to listen or not. ‘I’m so confused. What’s wrong with me? Why did this guy have to walk into my life?’

‘Confused? You mean sexually?’

Daniel grit his teeth, cursing his mother’s habit of blunt language. ‘I just… I want… I don’t know what I want. I think… I might be... bisexual or something. Argh, why did this have to happen to me?’

‘Well, you did say you were confused. You’re not bisexual, Daniel. Calm down a bit and think things through before you give yourself a label like that.’

Daniel nodded and wiped his face with his arm. His eyes widened and he looked side to side. Everyone in the room must have heard. Oh God, they must have all heard. He looked down at his dinner and finally resumed eating. He had to do something to return normalcy to the situation.

He pushed what his mother said about labels to the furthest corners of his mind as he ate, once again focusing on trying to find a taste in what he was made to consume. 

Another day, Daniel turned off the television and sighed. It had been three days and still no Eddie. James’ usage of the word ‘bitch’ played in his mind every hour or so like the most aggravating cuckoo clock in existence.

‘Oh my god, how are you feeling?’

Daniel’s heart came back  to life. He grinned, holding back his tears. Eddie put a teddy bear on the table beside the bed, one with a nurse’s cap and fairy wings.

‘I’m good.’

‘Phew. Sorry for being so late. I had to make sure I got over my cold before coming here. Hospitals don’t allow sick visitors, do they? Oh, speaking of which, you absolutely have to get better. My dad got me two tickets to Black Blues’ concert next week. They’re this rap metal band that mixes its rap metal with influences of… I just think you’ll like them.’ Eddie handed Daniel one ticket. ‘Dad thinks I’m going to give it to a date but I’d honestly rather give it to you.’ He chuckled when Daniel stared at the ticket like it was some newly discovered ancient trinket. ‘No homo.’ He put on an old man’s voice. ‘That’s what the kids say these days, right?’

Daniel rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t think ‘no homo’ works when you say it.’ Eddie giggled. Daniel reached out to Eddie and brushed his fingers against his arm.

‘So, uh, what exactly happened?’ Eddie asked.

Daniel remembered the interactions with his mother. ‘I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s focus on this band you want me to see. Lecture away.’

Eddie beamed from one temple of his head to the other. He spoke about Black Blues for a good hour, though not without tangents into industrial metal and jazz, both of which were apparently related to this band.

Eddie made sure to visit Daniel every day that week, giving him homework from the teacher as well. He would often bring his iPod to play music from Black Blues and put one earbud into Daniel’s ear. Daniel’s cheeks always heated up when his face became so close to Eddie’s.

On Tuesday the following week, Eddie had an idea. ‘Hey, how about I tutor you here? You’ve still got the essay to do so you should be prepared for that before you leave the hospital. Speaking of which, when do you expect to leave the hospital?’

‘My operation’s on Saturday morning.’ Eddie frowned. Daniel looked at the ticket on his bedside table, which said ‘Saturday 7 PM’. He looked back at Eddie’s face and felt like a homeless person trying to cheer up a millionaire. ‘I’ll be at the concert. I promise.’

‘You sure?’

Daniel looked away and put his hand on Eddie’s. ‘Of course.’

Daniel’s hand became cold as Eddie’s hand slipped out from under it. Eddie continued talking, though Daniel couldn’t concentrate on his words.


	5. Why the jock?

Eddie made sure to walk out of Daniel’s ward slowly and calmly on Friday night, though once he left the hospital he picked up speed. His cheeks were warm, probably from the weather. Yes, the weather.

The sun was swimming into the horizon as he brushed past people with no regard to how rude he might have seemed, trying to get home as quickly as possible. His shoulders drooped under the weight of his backpack, which housed a so-full-it-could-burst-at-any-moment pencil case and numerous books on Shakespeare.

‘Hey, is that…’ a voice called out. Eddie sped up even more. ‘Hey, Ed!’

Eddie sighed and turned around. A tall and muscular boy around his age walked towards him, wearing gym gear and smelling like a deodorant can. The boy had a grin on his face but was rubbing the back of his neck.

He continued. ‘It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? It’s, uh, good to see you again.’

‘Um, likewise. So, uh…’ Eddie paused on purpose, looking up at the sky as if trying to remember the boy’s name. ‘...Dean… what brings you here?’

‘Oh. I moved here. Austin had to move so I went with him.’

Eddie smiled but looked away. ‘Great….’ He began scratching his chest right where his heart was, his other hand in a fist. ‘So I’m guessing things are good between you.’

Dean laughed a little. ‘Yeah, it’s been pretty good. Thank you for that, by the way.’

There was no way Eddie was going to cry in front of this boy. He clenched his jaw until it ached. ‘No problem. Glad to be of help. So how are the others?’

The smile on Dean’s face dropped a couple of millimetres. ‘I don’t really know, to be honest. I haven’t really talked to them since moving. I told them about me and Austin and they kept cracking these godawful jokes like they thought they were doing some brilliant stand up routine.’

‘Pricks.’

Dean nodded in agreement. ‘I didn’t out you, by the way.’ A sigh of relief escaped Eddie’s mouth. Dean put a gentle hand onto Eddie’s shoulder. ‘But seriously, thank you. You know me. I still can’t figure out basic shit like geometry, so I have no clue how long it would’ve taken me to figure out who I really was without your help. You were my… what did you call it again?’

This was the final straw. Eddie shoved Dean’s hand away. ‘I have to go. Sorry. It’s getting dark and I have to be home soon.’

‘Ah. Understood. I’ll see you around, then.’

After a quick nod, Eddie walked slowly until he was sure he was out of Dean’s line of sight. Then he broke into a run.

He swore under his breath when his cheeks felt wet. He knew he should have put on waterproof mascara.

Yes, mascara. He tried to force his brain to think about makeup, metal, anything else, but the memory of his conversation with Dean kept bumping into those thoughts like a sibling who wants to use the television.

It was only when he arrived home that he realised how short of breath he was. He panted as he fumbled for his keys.

He rushed into his room, collapsed onto his bed and cried into his pillow, now caring for neither the smudge of mascara on his cheeks nor said mascara’s potential to spill onto the pillow.

After he finished, around ten minutes later, he turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He said the words he couldn’t say to Dean.

‘Closet key.’

He sat up and looked at the mess that was himself in the mirror. As he wiped his makeup off, he mentally repeated the same words to himself while recalling Dean’s muscular frame.

_ Faggot. Sissy. Fairy. _

He then added a question to the mix, though it was worded differently each time.

_ What are you doing crying over this like some little girl who tripped over? _

The image of Dean eventually morphed into that of Daniel. He spoke in Eddie’s head.

_ ‘If I knew you’d have this side to you, I wouldn’t have bothered asking you to help me. What happened to Cheerful Eddie?’ _

Eddie responded to the image.

_ ‘How could I stay cheerful when I’ve met yet another dumbass with a football for a brain?’ _

Imagined Daniel grabbed Eddie’s hand like the real Daniel did at the hospital. Eddie felt his cheeks flare up again.

He wiped the last bit of makeup from his face and, with a wry smile, whispered into the mirror. ‘Closet key, huh?’ 


	6. Is it gay to go to a concert with a guy?

Daniel’s head was light but his heartbeats carried the weight of a stampeding wildebeest’s footsteps. He hobbled out the door using his crutches, his newly-fixed leg still numb even though a few hours had passed since the operation.

His nostrils widened as fresh air graced them with its presence. Several people were sitting in their wheelchairs and smelling the small selection of daffodils, roses and some strange native flower that Daniel couldn’t recognise. He made sure to keep some distance from the flowers to avoid triggering hay fever symptoms but they smelled lovely from where he was. He limped slowly so as not to arouse suspicion, looking for an exit. He saw a carpark in the corner of his eye and grinned.

‘You there, where are you going?’

Shit. Daniel turned and saw a nurse. He took a deep breath to give himself time to think. ‘I want to have a smoke with my friend. He’s in the carpark.’

‘Aren’t you a little young to be smoking?’

‘I’m of age.’

‘Do you have any proof?’

What was this man’s problem? ‘I don’t know if you realise this, but I’m in the hospital. It’s not like I have my ID on me. Would you like me to limp home and get it for you?’

The nurse pursed his lips. ‘Very well. Have fun with your friend.’

Daniel resumed his journey, holding in a sigh until he was sure the nurse was gone. It took him half an hour to limp home. He had to ignore the strange looks and refuse the offers to help take him back to the hospital. He had to say he wasn’t crazy so many times he started to wonder if he really was crazy.

He patted himself on the back when he managed to get up the stairs to his room within five minutes. The numbness started to fade but he still limped as he made his way to his wardrobe. No way was he going to go to the date wearing the white t-shirt and tracksuit pants his mother brought to him before the operation. She was supposed to take him home but received a call from work.

He gulped.  _ Wait, date? What the hell am I talking about? _

He pulled out a leather jacket and put it on over a grey shirt. He chucked some jeans on and shook his leg in the hopes that he could get rid of the remaining insensateness.

He laid his crutches on his bed and walked back down the stairs, a tiny bit of numbness still there. His light head got to him and he had to clutch the rail until his dizziness subsided. However, he continued moving forward, even if it was in incremental steps.

He caught the train to the city, trying his damndest not to vomit as the train swayed back and forth harsh enough for Daniel to feel like soup being stirred in a pot. He kept looking at the time on his phone.

Suddenly the train stopped. It wasn’t at a station. It just stopped. The announcer’s whoops-I-spilled-some-beer-at-the-barbie voice made Daniel’s hand curl up into a painfully tense fist.

‘Unfortunately, the train ahead of us is delayed. Sit tight and we should be ready to continue in a few minutes.’

‘A few minutes’ passed. Then another few. ‘It looks like we’ll be here for another half hour,’ the announcer said. ‘It might be a good idea to call your workplace if you’re heading to work. Sit tight and we should be ready to resume shortly.’

Groans and cries of, ‘Bloody public transport’ poisoned the air. Daniel finally realised how sweaty and humid the air was with everyone packed together like chickens in a cage farm. Loud, perpetually groaning chickens that swore every five minutes.

Daniel stared at his phone again and took a few deep breaths to stop himself from hyperventilating. 6:30. It was going to take at least half an hour to get to the city, not to mention the time needed to catch a tram from the station to the venue.

He opened up his text messages and went to message Eddie when… his phone died. ‘Shit,’ he whispered. There was no way he was going to pay a fine for swearing on public transport, even if everyone else was doing it.

Finally, the train resumed and got to the city like nothing had happened. Daniel started running to the tram stop but felt dizzy again, so he had to stand with his hands on his thighs for a little while. He inhaled and continued running.

He took the tram and resorted to looking at his watch. A quarter to 8. ‘Fuck.’ Another whisper.

He showed his ticket to the woman at the door of the arena. As the door opened the sound trampled him.

Or rather, sounds. The high-pitched guitar solo. The discordant and yet perfectly fitting piano. The microphone-amplified voices that alternated between rapping and growling about war. The hundreds of voices trying to mimic the rapping and growling. Daniel had heard this exact song before, and yet this live performance managed to shake him to his core. He was so invested in the music that it took him a while to remind himself to find Eddie.

He stood in the dark, trying to read the seat number on his ticket. After a minute or so his eyes got used to the dark. He made his way to his seat, but Eddie wasn’t there.

He looked around and saw a group of people cheering at the front of the balcony. One boy was dancing, his long ponytail bouncing as he banged his head and his pale skin glowing in the little bits of light coming from the stage. Daniel drank in the sight, crossing his arms to prevent himself from hugging him.

He tapped his shoulder. Eddie turned around and grinned. ‘About time!’ he yelled.

‘You have no idea what it took for me to get here!’

‘What?’

‘You have no idea-’

‘What?’

‘Nevermind!’

The song changed and Eddie squealed. He headbanged for a while before looking at Daniel, tapping the other boy’s head to get him to copy him. Daniel shook his head. Eddie pouted.

Daniel watched Eddie for most of the concert, though he sometimes looked around him to make sure no one was glaring at the boy. He expected someone to scowl at his effeminate friend, but no one did. Not many people seemed to notice him despite his large arm movements as he danced. One person joined in and danced next to him.

Half-way through the concert, the lead rapper grabbed a trombone from the brass band behind him and mock-played it while holding it near his crotch. Daniel suddenly took note of the tight leather pants and the toned abs of the shirtless lead rapper. He looked at Eddie again and wondered what got him into metal.

Daniel’s ears felt full as the chugging guitars, warlike sound effects and booming voices stuffed themselves into his mind. The occasional changes in rhythm were a little distracting, though he guessed that was the jazz influence. He remembered Eddie going on and on in the hospital about syncopated rhythms. 

When the concert ended, Eddie gulped as much water as his wallet allowed him to buy in the lobby. 

‘How was it?’

Daniel smiled. ‘It’s really a different experience, hearing it live.’

‘I know, right? Thank you so much for coming! That was amaz-’

‘Is that you, Ed?’ A masculine voice called out. Eddie froze.

Another voice was added. ‘Of course, it is! He’s got the same face.’

The first voice raised in volume. ‘His hair’s grown longer, so how was I supposed to know for sure?’ The voice then softened, turning almost into a satire of a mother’s voice. ‘Where’s your girlfriend? Did she break up with you?’

Three boys stood with their hands in their pockets. One, the owner of the first voice, wore baggy jeans and a plain black t-shirt. The owner of the second voice had a cap on his head and a piercing in one ear. The third boy was silent, wearing black jeans and a grey hoodie.

The second boy wore a shit-eating grin. ‘Who’s this?’

Eddie smiled, but Daniel could hear the deep intake of air as he breathed in. ‘This is Daniel. He’s my friend from my new school.’

The second boy looked Daniel up and down. ‘I’m glad to hear you’re making new… friends… Especially since you look… different from when you were at our school.’

The first boy stared at Eddie’s hair. ‘I guess you got even more into metal since we last saw each other. Your hair’s giving me Amy Lee vibes.’ 

‘Evanescence isn’t real metal!’ A stranger in the crowd shouted. 

The first boy coughed an ‘ahem’. ‘That is why you’re wearing that hair, right? Or are you trying to go for a Behemoth type of look?’

Eddie bit his lip. ‘Uh, it was great seeing you all, but Daniel and I have to get home.’

‘You’re going home together? Okay, don’t let us get in the way,’ the second boy said. ‘We should hang out again just the four of us.’

‘Y-yeah, that’ll be great. I’ll, uh, find you on Facebook.’

Eddie grabbed Daniel not by the hand, as Daniel expected for some reason, but by the arm. He dragged him outside. The otherwise cool air carried the warm winds that, for whatever reason, only appeared at night. Despite the warmth, Eddie shivered, turning his back to Daniel.

Daniel shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. ‘Did you guys have a fight before you moved or something?’

‘No, I just… I moved because of them.’ Daniel’s eyebrows leapt. ‘I wanted to get out of that school and start again. I wanted to be more… open with others. I never told those three that I’m gay. So when I saw them again just now, I felt chills run down my body. It was like I was shoved back in the closet again and thrown into a lake and expected to swim. Once you’re as out as I am, you kind of forget how to be in the closet again and it just… it brings you back down to reality, like ‘Oh yeah, I almost forgot how much life sucks’.’ Eddie turned towards Daniel and looked down at the ground. ‘I must sound incomprehensible to a... straight... guy.’

Daniel shrugged. ‘I just can’t imagine you being in the closet. Didn’t you say that you could never hide your true self or something like that?’

’When did I say that?’

Daniel felt his cheeks match the heat of the wind. ‘Some time ago. I don’t know.’

Eddie looked up at him, his eyes shiny with water and his lip bitten hard enough to chip bits of his black lipstick off.

‘Well, I can’t exactly be the perfect super gay all the time. I have to adapt to my surroundings. The hard bit is when you have a feeling someone suspects but you don’t know for sure so you’re always on edge. You’re half afraid of them finding out and half sick of pretending because they probably know anyway so there’s no point.’

Daniel felt those words sink deep into his soul. He forced on a smile.

‘Why don’t you come out to your friends? You came out to the entire year level.’

‘It’s a different scene. The metal scene’s different.’

‘Everyone seemed pretty welcoming.’

‘But I… I’ve heard horror stories about homophobia in the metal community. A lot of fans are all about masculinity and stuff. That’s kind of what drew me to the genre at first. But anyway, even if my friends know, we can’t really confront it. It’ll be too awkward and… like, what if they’re all like, ‘well, the charade’s over. We don’t need to humour you anymore’? I’m better off not knowing what they think.’

Daniel took a step towards Eddie. ‘Have any metal fans given you shit for being gay?’

Eddie’s eyes grew. ‘Not me, but-’

‘Then what’s the use in worrying? You’re kind of giving yourself trauma before a bad event even happens. Why don’t you just worry about all that when it comes?’

Eddie chuckled and ran his hand through his hair, causing a sharp inhale from Daniel. ‘I didn’t think of it that way. Thanks.’

Daniel‘s smile grew as he cocked his head to the side for a moment as if to tell him to follow him. Eddie drank in that smile and even felt something stir in his heart. He almost swore, but then he’d have to explain why he did that.


	7. Is it gay to kiss a guy?

Eddie fluffed the pillows Daniel gave him. He felt weird sleeping in his own clothes even with the accessories taken off, but he had a feeling Daniel’s pyjamas would be too big for him. Plus, the thought of wearing his clothes weirded him out for some reason. Why? He had no clue. It wasn’t like he was into jocks anymore so it didn’t matter. Daniel was just a friend, so it wasn’t like it’d be awkward.

Then again, the way Daniel looked at him was… suspicious. Honestly, if Eddie had to be some sort of closet key again, he’d probably end up throwing something into a wall. Fuck that. 

He was lying in Daniel’s bed, trying to ignore the way the sheets smelled of leftover cologne, while Daniel sat on a small mattress on the floor.

Eddie fell asleep fairly quickly. He started having a dream in which a certain guy started kissing him and feeling him up.

Daniel heard a moan and looked up, seeing Eddie pucker his lips. ‘Yes, kiss me.’ Daniel stood up and walked up to him, still half asleep. He slowly leaned in closer.

Eddie’s lips were soft, as expected. Daniel felt his own lips tingle as shivers swam through his body. Eddie grinned and kissed Daniel back eagerly, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer with his hands. Daniel moved his lips towards Eddie’s neck, taking in the smell of his surprisingly masculine cologne and feeling his blood rush south.

‘Mm, yeah, Julian, kiss… ah, kiss me more!’

Daniel pushed himself off the bed, his body shaking and his eyes the size of a madman’s. Eddie opened his eyes and covered his mouth when he saw Daniel.

‘Who… who’s Julian?’ Daniel whimpered.

Eddie sat up, let go of his mouth and stared at his hands as if he had just committed murder. ‘A… YouTuber.’ He was too shocked at himself to give a spiel explaining this YouTuber’s content.

All Daniel could say in reply was, ‘Oh.’

The open hands turned into fists as Eddie held on tightly to the sheets. ‘The fuck were you trying to pull? I was asleep!’

‘I… I didn’t know! I thought you were telling me to kiss you.’

‘And why would I do that? You think I’m willing to kiss just any guy? Huh? You think I don’t have standards? You think I’m here so every guy looking to experiment can have a go? What the fuck is wrong with you?’

Daniel said nothing even though he wanted to say everything. He wanted to spill out his feelings. He wanted to thank him for opening his eyes to so much of the world from metal to Shakespeare to the lives of LGBT people. He even wanted to argue back and tell him that he wasn’t just looking to ‘experiment’ and he felt offended that he assumed that about him.

But he kept his mouth shut. He was still shaking as he lied back down on the mattress on the floor and closed his eyes as if nothing had happened. He heard the rustle of sheets and could tell Eddie had turned around so his back was facing him.

The next day, they ate breakfast silently and Eddie only spoke to thank Daniel’s mother for letting him stay. He left without so much as a glance at Daniel.

Daniel’s mother did something unexpected for such a busy woman. She sat at the table next to her son.

‘Shy guy, huh?’ she asked with a laugh.

Daniel scrunched his face to prevent tears. ‘He’s… not usually like that,’ he said as he took another mouthful of his cereal.

‘Who is he again? I hope he’s not the one who made you leave the hospital before you were supposed to, Daniel.’ She glared at him as she said his name.

‘Eddie.’ He took another bite.

‘Sexually confusing Eddie?’ Daniel almost choked on his cereal. ‘Should I have let him stay the night?’

‘Mum! He’s not interested in me anyway.’ He didn’t ask his mother how she didn’t hear them the previous night. She was probably taking work calls late into the night despite her shift being over.

She tapped his hand and stood up, going back to her usual routine. ‘Mum?’

‘Yes?’

‘Can… can we… talk more?’

‘I haven’t really got much time at the moment-’

‘I don’t mean right now. I just mean… in general.’

His mother stared at him like he had dropped a bombshell. ‘Are you sure? You don’t get embarrassed by your fuddy-duddy mother? What kind of teenage boy are you?’

‘I feel like… sometimes I need to talk to someone.’

‘What about your friends?’

‘Anybody but my friends.’

His mother dropped her handbag and fumbled with it to prevent it from falling to the ground. ‘Some friends they are, then. Look, I have to go,’ she said before kissing him on his forehead. ‘I’ll talk to you later.’

Daniel smiled for the first time that morning.

Eddie was loud as ever at school, just not to Daniel. At lunch he hung around a group of girls and talked about makeup, never looking at the dumb experimenter. One girl asked where the boy was and he shrugged. The girls didn’t ask further questions even though they were curious.

James noticed that Daniel wasn’t sitting on the couch like usual and went outside, seeing the boy sitting on the concrete with his knees up to his chin.

‘The fuck’s up with you? Your little Eddie-boy probably misses you.’

‘Shut up.’

James sat down next to him, his straight legs resting on the ground. ‘What happened? He try to put the moves on you?’

‘He’s not like that.’

‘Prove it. Seriously, the guy creeps me out sometimes. So what happened?’

Fire spread through Daniel’s veins, causing him to drop his knees and straighten them out like James’ legs. He replayed what his mother said about friends yesterday morning and felt like punching James in the face. But then he realised something. What was the point? Punching him got him nowhere last time. He saw one option fall under the spotlight: talk.

‘He rejected me.’

‘Wait, what? Who rejected who? You must be joking.’

Daniel turned his head away and crossed his arms. ‘Well, it’s true.’

‘Who’s he think he is?’

Daniel whipped his head back towards James. ‘Huh?’

‘I mean, I did find it weird for you to be suddenly so obsessed with the guy, but I always thought he liked you back or something. I dunno. If you ask me, he should be grateful you even noticed him. Your tastes are weird, honestly. A little fairy like him... who knew he’d be so uppity and reject you?’

Daniel sighed. ‘I guess different gay guys have different tastes. It’s almost like they’re individuals or something.’

James stared at him like someone had replaced Daniel with a louder clone. He burst out laughing, patting Daniel hard on the back.

‘Fair enough,’ he said as he wiped a tear from his eye, slowing down his laughter. ‘So, uh, does your mum know you’re gay?’

‘I’m not gay.’

‘Wha... you just told me... the fuck are you on about? You’re as straight as a bowling ball. Or what, is Eddie secretly a girl or something? Wouldn’t surprise me.’

‘I’m... bisexual,’ Daniel confessed, looking away again and scrunching his face. He thought if his face was too loose that tears would burst from his eyes. After eventually relaxing his facial muscles, he felt utterly weightless. No tears, no pain, nothing.

‘Nah, man. I think you’re gay. When you touch a dick, you never go back.’

Daniel smirked. ‘You know from experience?’

James lightly nudged Daniel in the ribs. ‘Not what I meant. But seriously, I don’t really believe in that stuff. Pick a side.’

‘Well, I liked my girlfriends. And now I like Eddie. Makes sense to me.’ Daniel reached another epiphany. ‘You know what? Fuck it. I don’t need to prove myself to you. Think whatever you want.’

Despite this statement, Daniel still looked at James expecting anger or offence. Instead, James was laughing again. He stood and stretched his arms like he was about to yawn.

‘Well, see you later.’

He walked back inside, leaving Daniel to think. Daniel’s skin was on fire. Is this what bravery felt like? Or maybe pride? Either way, it felt addictive.

He stood up, his legs shaking but his heart elated. He headed inside, determined not to let seeing Eddie get to him.

This didn’t turn out quite as planned. When he saw Eddie in the room he froze, his arms stuck to his sides and his shoulders up to the sky. His blood boiled seeing him clearly ignore him and his hands ached to touch his porcelain face, but he felt some mysterious force blocking that anger and lust, leaving his blood to feel like it was building up in his body.

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his... he couldn’t lie as it was blatantly a trance. He turned his head and saw James.

‘Dude, chill.’

Daniel nodded but felt his blood get even hotter at the command.

‘He’s not worth your time,’ James added.

‘Who’s not worth whose time?’ Another guy from the footy team asked, getting off the couch.

James opened his mouth but Daniel glared at him.

‘Sorry,’ James said to him. The other guy stared at Daniel with visible question marks in his eyes.

Daniel sighed. ‘Fuck it. Fuck... everything.’

He looked at Eddie one last time and remembered that night. He wondered what he would say if he had a second chance to clear his name and tell Eddie the truth. Then again, he had a feeling that looking directly at Eddie would cause the same fuckup to occur. He wished he could get his feelings across without talking to him directly. He had to prove how much he was willing to risk to be with him.

He coughed, looking around the room. He took a deep breath. ‘E-excuse me, everyone! I’d like to say something!’

No one heard him. He hung his head. ‘Quiet!’ He looked up and grinned when he heard James’ shout. Everyone turned their heads and James pointed to Daniel.

Daniel took another deep breath. ‘Um, so, uh, I have something I’d like to share with you all. It’s something that, uh, took me a long time to realise.’ His shoulders lowered as he got used to his own speech. He still looked at anyone else but Eddie. ‘A stupidly long time, really. Like, my mind is boggled at how blind I’d been. I had this friend whose girlfriend I hated. With a burning passion. I didn’t really know why, only that the very sight of her made me want to chuck up my food.’

‘Get on with it!’ Some girl yelled.

Daniel started retreating back into his shell until James gave him a light slap on the back.

‘It’s hard to say, but I, uh, guess I should stop putting it off. I’m bisexual. That friend? I liked him without even knowing it. By refusing to see this I screwed up my chances and even after realising it I screwed up my chances with another guy by being unable to admit it.’ He felt himself tear up and his first instinct was to scrunch his face and prevent the tears from falling, but then he saw Eddie, watching him with the widest eyes he had ever seen on him. He let his tears out.

‘Eddie, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. It’s... it’s okay if you still hate me after this. I get it, I really do, but I think you deserve the truth. I wasn’t making assumptions about you and I definitely wasn’t just looking to experiment. I... I really like you. I fucked up, and I hope we can go back to being friends because I’m honestly fine with that. 

‘You don’t have to feel the same way I do, I just hope you forgive me. I want to hear you talk about metal and teach me Shakespeare. I want to smile and laugh with you because your laugh is really cute. Most of all I just want to be honest with people for once in my life.’ He shut his mouth and felt panic creep in when he realised he had nothing else to say. ‘So, um, yeah.’

A couple of people clapped, their applause quickly and sheepishly dying down. Most just went about their business. A few girls surrounded him.

‘That was really brave of you,’ one of them said and the others echoed a similar statement.

Daniel looked between the girls to search for Eddie, who gave him a sad look before going outside. His heart kept crumbling faster than the high he felt could repair it.

What he didn’t see was Eddie standing against the wall outside with his hand on his chest and a pained smile onto his face.

They didn’t share any classes so they didn’t see each other until the next day, and even then Eddie didn’t talk to him until after school, when he tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if they could chat. 

Daniel waited for Eddie to talk, wondering why he was just standing there. When everyone else had left the lockers, Eddie looked left to right a couple of times then grabbed Daniel by the collar of his shirt, pushing him into the locker.

Once again Eddie’s lips were soft. Daniel immediately closed his eyes and left his hands in the air before eventually running them through Eddie’s hair.

Eddie let go and smirked. ‘That was payback.’ When he saw tears seeping out of Daniel’s eyes as he covered his own mouth, Eddie stepped back. ‘Sorry. Did I go too far? I’ll go.’ He turned around but Daniel grabbed his arm. He faced him and, when Daniel lowered the arm covering his mouth, Eddie saw a smile underneath the crying eyes.

‘Don’t. I’m... just so happy... that you’re willing to talk to me again.’

Eddie chuckled. ‘You’re adorable. I guess I was wrong.’ Daniel looked at him like he said a word in another language.

‘Huh?’

’Well, I was thinking about yesterday and wondering if maybe I was wrong about the whole ‘jocks not being my type’ thing. I don’t know. I guess I just thought sporty guys were dumb or some stupid shit like that. Sorry for thinking that. And for saying you’re straight. I could tell you were at least a little into me so for me to call you that was also stupid. I was trying not to give you a label you weren’t ready for but that didn’t quite work. I mean, seriously, Eddie? It’s probably not a straight guy experimenting if he has an actual crush on you. I guess I was the dumb one.’ 

Eddie laughed a little, the sound caressing Daniel’s ears, before continuing. ‘Are you sure you like me enough to date me?’ Daniel nodded. Eddie’s eyes moved away from Daniel’s direction, grabbing the sleeve of Daniel’s shirt and rubbing the fabric between his fingers. He then looked at Damien with wide, hopeful eyes. ‘For how long? How long would you like to date?’

The confused look on Daniel’s face eased Eddie’s mind. ‘For as long as we can stay together, I guess. I hope we go on more than one date, if that’s what you’re asking.’

‘So, uh, are there any... I don’t know... movies you want to see? Or wait, maybe you’d rather go to a footy game or something. I don’t know much about footy since I never bothered to follow it, but you could always teach me.’

Daniel’s smile grew. ‘Sure. I’ll message you if there’s a game I want to go to. So who are you going to go for? I’m a St Kilda man.’ Eddie shrugged and Daniel leaned in closer, causing Eddie’s cheeks to turn pink. ‘You seem like you’d be a Collingwood supporter. I mean, your face and hair make you look like their colours.’

Eddie crossed his arms. ‘Very funny. I’ll research all the clubs and get back to you.’

Daniel laughed. ‘You don’t have to do that.’

‘It’s only fair. I taught you about metal, you can teach me about footy.’


	8. This is pretty gay

Daniel found Eddie sitting against the wall of the school gym and joined him, a marked essay in his hand.

‘I owe you one,’ he told him.

Eddie snatched the essay and looked at the score. ‘Impressive. Next time I’ll make sure you get an A, then for the exam, you’re getting an A+. Got it?’

Daniel smirked. ‘Yes, Mr Ironpoe. So anyway, You still up for tonight?’

‘Yep. We’re not going to fight over this game, are we?’

‘Why? You a Bomber now? You said last week you were a Demon-’

‘They suck this season.’

‘You can’t just change your mind every week. You’ve got to pick a side.’

Eddie snickered at him. ‘That’s rich, coming from you.’ He laughed even more at Daniel’s confused face.

The meaning of Eddie’s words eventually dawned on Daniel, who added to the laughter and lightly nudged him.

‘Hey, only I can say stuff like that. Check your privilege.’

The PE teacher blew her whistle. ‘Okay, guys. Today’s Beep Test day.’ Everyone groaned. Eddie took a few deep breaths. The Beep Test. His mortal enemy. His highest score was 4/8, the second lowest among the boys in his class.

Daniel put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Eddie nodded and the two stood up.

They stretched their arms and legs before standing next to each other in the line, waiting for the announcer on the CD to quit explaining how it worked and finish the damn countdown.

The first beep started. Eddie kept falling behind Daniel, who got to the other end quickly, but seeing Daniel do so well lit a fire under him. He kept running as the beeps became faster and faster, long after he started feeling sick. His vision got blurry but he continued running. Eventually, he stopped hearing the squeak of sneakers coming into contact with the wooden floor and could only hear the beeps that started sounding less like a guide to him and more like funeral bells.

Eventually he was an inch away from making it to the end line when the beep sounded. He ran a little past the line like Daniel had suggested to help himself feel less sick. It only helped a little. 

‘Ed, 6/9,’ the PE teacher said. Joy rose up Eddie’s body instead of bile. After writing his score down, he leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the ground, picking up his bottle and gulping the water like a baby feeding on milk.

He watched Daniel, who got a 13/8, one beep below James. Daniel pushed away the initial anger coiling around his body and gave James a high five.

Eddie congratulated Daniel and told him his score.

Daniel wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. He let go after a second, causing Eddie to fight the urge to pout.

‘Impressive. Next time you’ll get an 8/3 and by the time you graduate your score will be a 10/2.’

Eddie lightly slapped his shoulder. ‘As if I could do that.’

Daniel put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. ‘Even if I say please?’

Some of the other students started cooing the couple. Daniel’s shoulders rose, but they returned to normal when Eddie kissed his cheek.

After school, they met up in the city and headed to the MCG.

Daniel turned out to be a loud cheerer, or at least he was in front of Eddie. Eddie hardly paid attention to the game, focusing on the giant, almost magical smile on Daniel’s lips. He looked like a fairy who’d been released from his cage.


End file.
